Aside from taking classes and learning to live on your own, every college student has one more major thing to deal with: living in a tiny room with a complete stranger.

Your roommate might be really cool, or they could be a little crazy. You don’t have to be best friends, but you do have to deal with each other. Your school probably won’t let you change roommates every time you don’t like someone, so here are some tips for making it work.

 

- First of all, be accepting. Your roommate could come from a different family situation, lifestyle, political or religious background, etc. You’re in college now, and will be exposed to many new things, starting with different types of people. Let them do their own thing without freaking out too much.

- Go over some basic ground rules to make sure you’re on the same page. Some good things to cover are food sharing, cleaning, overnight guests and parties.

- Be friendly. You don’t have to hang out all the time, but your year together will be much more pleasant if you have a decent relationship. Start with going to the cafeteria together.

- Do not eat your roommate’s food or use his or her stuff without permission. Always, always, always ask. Seriously, always.

- Talk about overnight guests before they come over. This includes friends and love interests.

- Keep communal areas reasonably neat. Don’t leave your dishes sitting in the sink for days. It’s gross. You’re going to have to find a happy medium here: neat freaks will have to learn to live with a little clutter, and slobs will just have to be a bit cleaner.

- Communicate. Being passive-aggressive solves nothing. It can be hard to bring up problems, but it’s better (for everyone) than holding them in until you explode.

- Noise control. Just be considerate. It’s pretty simple. Use headphones to listen to music or watch TV late at night, and take your phone conversations somewhere else; they can be really annoying. Also, it’s not cool to hit snooze four times when your roommate is sleeping. On the flipside, you’re going to have to get used to a little noise in a dorm room. Buy some earplugs. 

- Don’t do stuff that makes your roommate uncomfortable. It’s a good idea to keep drugs and alcohol out of the room, anyway. Many schools have guilty-by-association policies, and your roommate probably won’t forgive you if you get them in trouble with the university.

- Resist the urge to gossip or vent about your roommate, especially to other people in the hall. It’s bound to come back to him or her. You’re going to have to live with this person, so don’t be a douchebag.

- Get out of there sometimes. You don’t have to be in your room all the time. If your roommate has friends over, study in the library. If your roommate is napping, go talk on the phone somewhere else.

- Learn to deal. Sometimes, they are going to annoy you. Just suck it up, and stop complaining. Remember, you probably irritate them sometimes, too.

- Most of this stuff boils down to what your mother has been telling you your entire life: treat others the way you would want to be treated. Sounds obvious, but it works.

 

 

My experience with bad roommates

Sometimes, college roommates do not turn out to be the way you expected. My freshman year at the University of Vermont, I was paired with roommates I did not connect with. Before move-in day, the three of us sent e-mails, and it seemed like we would be friends. Shortly after moving in, though, I realized I should not have depended on the e-mails as much as I had. 

One roommate’s lifestyle choices were complete opposites of mine, which made it difficult to be friends. The other had little respect for my belongings. She allowed her friends to use all of my things when I was not there—including my bed. From what was in my desk to what was in my closet, she felt free to use whatever she wanted without ever asking. She would also leave chewed gum, contacts and other things on my desk. I had multiple conversations with her about this, but she chose to ignore my requests. This led to a very difficult living arrangement, and, needless to say, we chose to go our separate ways after freshman year. 

Since then, I have learned to be more direct when something is wrong, even if that means switching roommates. I get along very well with my roommates this year because we communicate much more. Make sure you talk with your roommates about issues you have, otherwise you’ll only grow farther apart and it will be like having no roommate at all. 

—A UVM sophomore who did not want to use her name, for fear of more chewed gum ending up on her belongings.